Life is a Roller Coaster

It’s finally happened. I had notice this week that my position as an Advanced Skills Teacher has been terminated and my employer has no place for me in their new management structure. I had been expecting the judgement for about a year since the government decided to dispense with the pay scale, so it wasn't a complete shock, however I was not perhaps prepared for how I might feel over time.

Emotions can be a bit of a roller coaster ride… mine were fine until I realised that after 20 years in my teaching career, I am right back where I started. Youth, its value in the current economic climate, and the energy that it can bring to teaching, are attractive ingredients compared to my older, more expensive, and more wizened nature!

A time of change can be either unsettling or liberating. I know that God has a plan for my life. It’s just that I can’t quite see what it is yet. So I have to build my faith in the promise that the Lord has a plan for me, and is anxiously seeking to find out how I will respond to his call. So I press on. My first call is to honour God and to honour my employer. If I give in to my emotion, then I could become ineffective and broody. However I cannot neglect the skills that God has given me, or the ambition that lies behind the sense of purpose that led me to the various promotion’s I have received over the years.

I need to learn how to listen to what God is saying to me, and how I might adapt my life to his call. This can be daunting to us when we feel a bit blind, though how we respond to his call and how we place our trust in the direction our lives are heading is important to God. God desires us to seek his face and to identify his plans within our dreams or rather, fit our dreams into his plans. I know that I have always tried to follow Gods pathway for my life, but it has always tended to be more one sided. Now is the time to stop and reflect on what God wants to use me for, rather than the pursuit of God through my own youthful ambition.

As children when we first start to read, we are shown books without words and are encouraged to tell the story seen in the pictures. The idea is that the adults in the relationship with the child look through the pictures together, exploring their imagination with the aim to forge a story from the pages. As we share in the story we are animated by the possibilities and the drama that flows from them; going through increasingly complex scenarios. The adult picks out the features of the pictures that we might have missed, or gives names to the characters or the objects in the scenes. Adults also use their more sophisticated literacy skills to add depth to the story or to enhance the experience.

I like the idea that God does this with each one of us. He births stories in our hearts and our minds so that we can become connected with the world that he wants us involved in… he shares us his heart for HIS world and we catch the dream. In community we build relationship within our Christian fellowships and build accountability and responsibility, as well as the resourcing and pastoral support towards our collective responsibility to reach out to the lost and broken. This is the exciting thing about being in churches that are looking out rather than always looking in-ward.

The child learning to read is now given picture books with words so that the stories we are telling start to have structure… we have listened to the words being spoken and have developed our spoken vocabulary as we have looked at the stories through the images, but now we have words to help us shape the imagined world into the reality of our existence. 

We first see word’s as shape’s and begin to recognise that the shapes put together become sentences. The randomness of those shapes become more and more familiar to the point that we can build our vocabulary and communicate more effectively. I am sure that you have done the activity where you read a sentence that is completely un-organised and random in appearance, yet your brain can process the writing and you can read it perfectly, perhaps with the odd stumble.

God does the same things with each one of us… first giving us the milk, then progressing to the meat… when we can be trusted with a little, we can be trusted with a lot. It can either be exciting or un-nerving when we don’t see the full picture for the direction that our lives are taking, but we also receive little ‘snippets’ of guidance from our own personal reflections when we are studying God in the scriptures, and from those around us that God uses as they walk alongside. God uses many different methods to ‘flesh-out’ our dreams with words and meaning. It can occur through random people and events, as well as the people we know, or it can be spoken over us in prayer when we meet together to share our experiences.

The apostle Paul in his letter to the Hebrews was desperate for us to grow-up in our spiritual walk, but it is easy to dismiss his charge when we are emotionally challenged and seek comfort in more familiar, and perhaps more damaging behaviour. 

"There is much more we would like to say about this, but it is difficult to explain, especially since you are spiritually dull and don’t seem to listen. You have been believers so long now that you ought to be teaching others. Instead, you need someone to teach you again the basic things about God’s word. You are like babies who need milk and cannot eat solid food. For someone who lives on milk is still an infant and doesn't know how to do what is right. Solid food is for those who are mature, who through training have the skill to recognize the difference between right and wrong." (Hebrews 5: 11-14)

It's quite strong wording that Paul uses here, but when our hearts slowly become assured and we are convicted by the truth of what we begin to understand of God’s vision over our lives, we can begin to grow beyond our child-like nature. As we receive more information like the child learning the words to a book, we can understand what God wants to use us for. Only when we are aware that the story of our lives is unfolding as we live it, will we be able to have the clarity to see God’s hand at work. Sometimes we need to do things with our character or in confession, to clear the fog and be able to see God’s spirit at work in each of our lives? However we might being feeling, God is always speaking if we can tune into his wavelength long enough.

The first is in knowing who we are and that we matter to God. If we have not dealt with the baggage that life can bring, then we will be distracted by life and question where things are heading. I am blessed that God has placed a deep assured in my faith to know that my career is not at an end in teaching, but that a new purpose may be being birthed. I have a pretty good idea of what I would like this to be, but I am not sure how to get from here to there. This last statement reveals the battle I am in at the moment. I have to wait patiently for God to reveal his plan's for me, while being alert to the direction my life is taking and in allowing God to take the lead. If I try to push it, I am guaranteed to miss the real fruit that God wants from my life… to die to self is not an easy path to be on, but one we will all revisit as we seek more of Christ in our lives.

We need to maintain a close relationship with God so that he can protect our heart and mind’s in this delicate arrangement of faith, hope and trust. The enemy will be desperate to break anyone who is learning to wait on God’s calling for their lives, and will use many strategies to distract us from the goal that God has for us. We all know of sin in our lives. There is always ‘stuff’ that we cannot break the cycle of. Paul talks about a thorn in the flesh that prevents him from doing certain parts of his ministry. We need to be sure that our own thorn of the flesh is well and truly dealt with.

"So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." (2 Corinthians 12: 7-9)

There are many stories of people involved in ministry who fall from grace due to the issues that they had not dealt with in earlier stages. Sometimes waiting on God allows for these issues to surface so that we can excise them… we have to grow like the child learning to read, grappling with putting sounds to vowels and consonants, constructing words with similar sounds but with different meanings, and placing them into sentences. We need to see that there is no ‘I’ in team… we are not an island; there are those out there whose gifting, wisdom, and knowledge can add a distinctive flavour to our ministry that elevates it beyond that which we could dream of independently.

We each have talents that can be brought into use in the kingdom. Often it is not something that you have to learn, but one which complements the range of skills that exist within our communities. Just as we shouldn't wear masks to conceal our personalities and character, as church, we should get good at doing what we are good at. We have just celebrated Father’s Day in the UK, so an idea was floated to give the men, regardless of whether they were a dad or not, a bacon sandwich and a coffee before the service started. Apart from the logistics’ of catering for the predicted numbers of people, it was something the church community could do. For a month, the flyers went out at all of the activities that occurred each week prior to the event, inviting people to bring their Dad to church. It worked: I had never seen so many men at a church service before!

The point I am making is that as we understand God’s call to live righteous lives, in community we stop putting ‘me-first’ and start thinking of others. We learn to weave together the fabric of our fellowship to enable positive growth. We seek to be inclusive and supportive in our shared responsibility to go into the world and proclaim the gospel. Who is to know what will come of the seed that was planted in the hearts of the men who attended the church for Fathers’ Day, but God? Isn't life more exciting when we have shared dreams, opportunity, and purpose?

We could easily sit back as the church with a sense of depression when we look out at the world and see the hardship that people face; the powerless without a champion; that we have somehow forgotten the hope that Jesus placed in our hearts. Jesus is that hope. I cannot begin to fathom how best to help my schizophrenic friend deal with the turmoil he experiences with the panic of anxiety, dysfunctional social interactions, and spates of homelessness. I know that Jesus can. 

All I can do is reveal Jesus in that place. My family and I can be hospitable, providing food, clothing, fellowship, and give support with claiming his benefits, being the practical extensions of expressing our faith, but deep down we know that he just needs Jesus. I know that if I do what Jesus asks me to do, then God will be in that. When the doorbell rings and my inner self says ‘oh – no’, it is God that enters in. God offers us opportunities to express our faith to others... sometimes we just need to have courage that God goes before us into the midst. "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you." (Deuteronomy 31:8)

There are times when the intensity of the support we give to others is overwhelming, and we seek ways-out to avoid doing things or we simply feel ill-equipped… God will be in that to. There have been times in the last month where my family’s support of my friend has become frazzled around the edges. My wife and daughter went off one bank holiday to buy him some trainers as I sat and worked through a condition of his benefit claim. We ate together, shared stories and departed on good terms. By the end of the week, he had thrown the trainers in the bin because he had apparently walked holes in them, much to my daughter’s dismay, and my wife had heard stories of his behaviour with some other vulnerable adults and in his dealings with our storehouse charity shop manager.

The next time he visited, he began to tell a story that was simply untrue about what had gone on. My wife told him straight how she felt about the disrespect she and others felt about his behaviour towards them. My friend was really shocked by this because he had been taking stuff for granted. He had never considered that people may actually love him and feel upset when he appeared to abuse the trust we have placed in him. We then had a long conversation about his behaviour pattern and lifestyle that did result in some positive changes in his regard for the support he is given. You see, he is on a journey, my wife and I are also on a journey with him, and all the other people connected with this man’s life are also on that shared journey... an opportunity to take courage and trust in God.

Jesus talks about this when describing how we should look after the poor. He simply states that in serving all those who are in distress, we are serving him: Matthew 25: 31- 46 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ 

The journey that we make in learning to serve is as equally important as the support we give. It’s about our hearts desire. Learning to give of ourselves is contrary to our world today which is take-take-take. When we serve people, it can feel like the world is taking a lot out of us, but you know, everything we have is the Lords, our money, our health, our possessions even our time. Yes we have to have boundaries and there will always be the poor, children who are locked into abusive or neglected lifestyles, or trafficked people… Our heart though, is in our willingness to help. "You will always have the poor among you, and you can help them whenever you want to. But you will not always have me." The psalms put it like this: ‘The Lord is close to all who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth.’ (Psalm 145: 18). So our first call is to follow him: through him we will be equipped to serve.

God’s purpose in choosing Abram, his blessing of a family who became a nation; from its exodus from Egypt, it’s wandering in the desert and its entrance to that Promised Land, God’s purpose has always been to reveal himself to the world. When you look at a map of the location of the Promised Land, you will notice that there is Africa to the south west, Asia to the east and Europe to the North. It is an ideal location from which God could execute his plan to spread his name throughout the nations. From that one place, the most significant story ever told was birthed, and through the release of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost, spread out across all of the earth. Acts 17: 27 puts it this way, “His purpose was for the nations to seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him though he is not far from any one of us.”

We are part of that plan. We are chosen to reach out and change lives by revealing Jesus to all we meet. It may be that we share a bacon sandwich and get to know each other a little, but the truth of that encounter, the spirit that burns in the lives of each one of us who knows Jesus, is to tell his story.

As I wait for the next chapter in my life, I need to thank God for all that I am. Without him, life would be meaningless because in death, no earthly possession has any purpose. But still knowing all this, I am feeling a little depressed today. A mixture of tiredness and mixed emotions regarding my working life; dealing with colleagues has got a little harder because I am not as confident as I once was before my demotion. I have begun to doubt the validity of my experience and also the depth of my knowledge in thinking through strategy. I know that God is with me and wants to work me through what he is teaching me at this time, but I still have to deal with the emotions. Psalm 34:18 puts it like this: ‘The Lord is close to the broken hearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.’

If we depend purely on our emotions, then our faith is tested by how we feel rather than what we know to be true. Just like the child learning to read, we slowly build up our understanding of truth through experience and practice. When we learn to read, we gradually build up our vocabulary and our literacy expertise when building sentences and reading for longer moments. It’s funny that we go from learning by reading out loud, to one where we are able to read in our head. When we are new Christians we can also be a bit noisy when we are learning about God… it’s exciting. When we encounter the kingdom by the invitation of the king, the wonder of it all can be kind-of overwhelming.

As we grow-up, if ever we do, we start to make connections in our hearts and cement truth in our understanding of how God works with us. We can recognise the peaks and troughs of life and learn to ride the coaster… Paul tells us to consider it ‘Pure Joy’ to suffer trials in his letter to James 1: 2-4 “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” 

God knows what we experience and how we can endure it so that we will not fail.

Jesus talks about this in Luke 15 by telling three parables; a short story of how God searches for all of us, and that heaven rejoices when we chose him. The first is of a shepherd who having noticed one of the sheep to be missing, secures the flock, then goes in search for the lost sheep. The second is of the treasure we find in learning to follow God’s will for us rather than our own and the third, which is my favourite of the three, of the lost son who returns to an expectant father. The father is described as being benevolent in dealing with his son’s desire to claim his inheritance and leave, showing a wilful disregard for any sense of loyalty to him.

Yet knowing that the son may suffer uncertainty and perhaps put his life at risk, the father does not stand in his way but is always watching, and always hoping for his son’s return. When the son comes to his senses, he finds his father running to his aid, embracing him, and restoring him to his rightful place as son and heir. These are the stories that I like to read about my father… I know that I just need to turn about and he will be watching and waiting to offer the support that only a father can.

“So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly father give good gifts to those who ask him?” (Matthew 7:11)

I hope that you will take the time to turn about and seek him out.