Return of the King

I began writing the ‘Elephant in the Room’ as a response to how society deals with obvious ‘truth’ that is either ignored or left unaddressed, or at the very least, explained very poorly. I also wanted to use the blog to express my view of the obvious problems that people of faith experience in their walk with God. I do not profess to have any answers, just insights that you can either take or leave.

What I have found recently, is that no matter how persuasive the argument used to support a theological position or how concise the interpretation of the teachings of Jesus, in our post-modern context, where absolute truth is considered to be unattainable because it is impossible to prove, we can read something designed to build us up in our understanding of God and reject it out right because it doesn’t suit our thinking.

We are happy for others to believe what they feel is right, but won’t necessarily adopt the reasoning that they have used to reach this new level of understanding for our own spiritual journey. “What works for them is fine for them but I will go my own way.” We don’t want to do something that someone else has decided is best for them because we have not discovered it for ourselves. Just as many of us don’t like being told that we have done something wrong, neither do we enjoy being told that something is right and we ought to be doing it too. We see rules, protocols and legislation as mere killjoys to the accepted progression of our cultural expression and can feel curtailed by ‘red-tape.’

Our journey in life is exclusively about our own sense of satisfaction, which we derive from our experiences. We tend to only assimilate new truths about who we are and our purpose in the big scheme of things, when it has jumped out at us and slapped us in the face. Some things are so obvious, that we cannot see them when they are right under our noses, while other truths are hidden because we are unwilling to pay the cost in revealing it.

Many people have heard of C.S. Lewis, the author of the Narnia stories but not many people realise that he and J.R.R. Tolkien, the author of the Lord of the Rings stories, were great friends who believed that they could reveal truth about God through a good story. Telling a story allows the reader to suspend their reasoning for the sake of accommodating the story line and the extraordinary exploits of the principle characters.

Frodo Baggins and his companions on their journey to destroy the ring of Sauron, found to their cost, that freedom comes at a price. The audience goes through the realisation and anxiety of Frodo grasping that his fate could possibly lead to his own destruction. At the end of the movies (I have only read the Hobbit I’m afraid), we have the moving scene where the heroes depart Eriador at Journeys end, saying their goodbye’s in an emotional farewell. We also bid an emotional farewell to the characters as we reflect on the story and its impact in shaping our own character.

I have to say this, I find Frodo annoying… yes, yes; he carries the evil ring with the lure of Sauron calling the ring back to himself, corrupting his soul and so, he was always going to get a little ‘tetchy’. However, when you consider how Samwise Gamgee deals with everything that Frodo lays on him, accusations of malice and deceit; we see how truly corrupted Frodo had become when mirrored against the character of Sam. Each character has to give of themselves, something that went beyond their natural abilities. Yet in that fellowship, they endure and persevere, going to extraordinary lengths to protect each other. The many off-shoots to the story also reveal that the courage of one man, or should I say, one halfling’s quest, encourages all who understand the challenge to extend their support for a noble cause.

We leave the cinema knowing that we have also been on an emotional journey and carry away aspects of what we have seen and heard into our everyday lives. In the story telling, we have suspended our sensibilities in favour of a new experience, knowing that it is after all, a movie. What would your reaction be then, if I mention that both the Narnia Stories and the Lord of the Rings trilogy were written to communicate the Gospel story of Jesus? It is more obvious in the Narnia Stories as Aslan represents Jesus. Aslan was sacrificed in order to pay the penalty of Edmunds indiscretion with the Ice Queen. It is not so easy to rationalise the Jesus story hidden within the subtext of the Tolkien stories because it has multiple layers.

One could argue that Gandalf and the spiritual nature of the Elves and Lady Galadriel, represent the work of the Holy Spirit. Urging Frodo on with their quest and providing protection from illness, poisoning and the wounds he received, as well as being physically equipped for the fight that lies ahead and the good counsel they offer. Certainly the fellowship is analogous of the church, where people are brought together from all corners of the known world under a common bond of trust and belonging to a kingdom far greater than their respective corners of middle earth.

It is Frodo that sacrifices his life for the sake of the shire and the protection of the world. Sauron is the archetypal evil figure, drawing strength from the innocent and those susceptible to his persuasion; to serve him out of a sense of duty through the threat of malevolence and intimidation. We observe how each character responds to the situations that they face and how the natural order is challenged by the forces stacked against them. We can question how we would react if faced with those circumstances ourselves and we can challenge our values and our moral compass as we watch the story unfold.

Using a story to convey conceptual information or to challenge us philosophically, is an art form that is still valuable in our contemporary secular society today. In the UK, stand-up comedians play to sell-our audiences because of their observations of our everyday ordinary lives in which they have found humour. Self-parody or irony is also a useful vehicle for humour as is sarcasm, but a rich storyline is vital to a good book. Heroes and villains, cops and robbers, lovers and cheaters all place our minds into impossible situations that we would not experience in the context of our own lives. When we suspend our reality to accommodate the world presented to us through the eyes of the story teller and make connections with that which we do know, we can be led to greater levels of understanding of who we are.

If we consider our own lives and the challenges we face, we can revel in our ability to navigate its currents and find dry land. We take courage in our ability to deal with our colleagues at work and the intricacies of family life. We enjoy our social lives and our hobbies. We increasingly secularise our experience and become self-confident in our ingenuity in solving our own problems. ‘There is no God… I have no need of one anyway! I am my own person and can form my own values and my own sense of what is good for me or what could be bad for me… Anyway, it is my choice if I over indulge in anything… I can handle it… I have no need of anyone to tell me otherwise.’

We are encouraged to seize the moment; to be assertive when demanding what we need from the circumstances or situations we are faced with. We are told that endless possibilities exist for those prepared to work for it; for those prepared to make sacrifices so that we might achieve that personal dream. No matter how secure we are in our own identity or the level of success that we have achieved, we can all experience seasons of loneliness, isolation, despair, hopelessness.

I’m not talking about the full-on psychologically debilitating episodes that those with mental health issues struggle with, but those quiet moments when you are in a crowded room full of people that you know; when you begin to feel distant from what is going on around you as though it is all too superficial.

What is it that can sustain us in these moments in time? Therapists would have us remember all of the positive elements to our lives, using them to comfort us in times of distress. Taking hold of the positive helps us to organise the present and move on. Many of us are able to distance our emotional health from our everyday experiences, believing that our occupations and our ability to satisfy our curiosity with the world around us can counteract any negativity with the way we feel.

There are any number of distractions to ease our hidden, deep-down fears. Wealth generation and materialism is the biggest European draw that encourages us to view the world positively which is indirectly linked to our occupations and our standard of education. We are given status within management structures and are rewarded with extravagant pay scales appropriate to our responsibilities.

We can then use this wealth to reward our hard work through our leisure time and ability to purchase possessions that bring enjoyment for a time. But like all material things, the emotional pick-me-up is transient and we look for the next thing that might secure our happiness. In the UK, our young people are courted by the lure of adulthood at increasingly younger ages. By 16, there is little left that they have not experienced, alcohol, drugs, sex… Similarly, the fear and hopelessness of the jobs market make some anxious for the future. Some hide in computer gaming and the avatar world, where the everyday routine can be forgotten for a time; rates of self-harm grow alarmingly high amongst young people, as does their dependence on anti-depressants.

As adults, we tend to leave these young people to fend for themselves and then publicly beat on them in the media as benefit scroungers who do not work. I was told an interesting story about the future of retail. Young people will find it increasingly hard to find work as a cashier in a local supermarket as customers will use hand held bar code scanners to log their purchases. There will be no need for people to sit on the check-out. The scanner can invoice the customer and pay through a cashless system. That is of course if we even need to visit the store. Distribution centres with full automation and internet transactions could mean we will all be shopping virtually. So what hope of careers for those who do not have the capacity to work beyond these semi-skilled occupations?

This week, members of the London Underground trades union called a 48hr strike because of the closure or ticket offices at tube stations and the redundancy that this will bring. I am told that even the drivers no longer drive the train; they are only employed to check that the safety brake is attended to as everything else is automated. So no wonder the jobs that require human beings are sought after and protected because there isn’t an alternative vocation to replace them.

So what is our story? How is it going so far? What happens next? Where does it all lead? Who do you turn to in the storms of life? What confidence do you have in humanities ability to find answers from within? How do you cope when things get on top of you and there seems to be no hope? These are difficult and deeply significant questions for our generation who have been promised the world, yet find that there are many hurdles to cross and too many closed doors.

To look at these issues, I will tell a story from my own life in the hope that through it, you may find the comfort that I have found in my journey. Some may think that faith is a superstitious make-believe which has no substance, but even those who do not believe in God, have periods of doubt in their experience… ‘Is this all there is? Is this all I am?’ The cries of our heart do not go unheard.

When I look back on my life I have a dark period where I was lost and searching for something more. As it is Valentine’s Day in the UK, it reminded me of when I was in a long term relationship with a childhood sweet-heart who I met when I was 17 and in whom I had been close to, before we both went off to different Universities. She was my companion in life’s journey and we enjoyed each other’s company. Going to University changed this relationship so that I began to question what it meant to me and whether it was time to move on. This was such a shock to her that I couldn’t bear watching the heart ache she clearly felt.

Being emotionally inexperienced and naïve, I relented in my resolve and tried to make up for this by proposing marriage! This was an ill-conceived move as we were both still students with a few years left of our degree courses to go with no real contact except for holiday’s and evening phone calls. However, I began to realise when talking with our college chaplain about preparing for marriage that I was not really ready for marriage. I felt that I was already trapped and powerless to stop this juggernaut of a relationship that appeared to have no brakes. I had no family back-up, no money and little understanding in what planning a wedding needed.

It was in this state that I first met the girl who would later become my wife. She was a University ‘fresher’ and I was introduced as the older student who could answer questions and offer advice to those with worries. My wife fondly remembers that she thought ‘I was a knob!’ What do they say about first impressions…? As a member of the Christian Union, our paths crossed a few times and it was obvious that Sarah was hurting. She was still grieving the death of a much loved granddad whom she felt had become disappointed in her behaviour, while being trapped in a relationship with a boy whom was by nature, controlling and physically abusive.

Sarah also felt isolated and alone, which was something that I could relate to and share my own experience with. I suppose too, that I was looking to escape my own troubles through supporting Sarah. This mutual support developed into a relationship which triggered my desire to break my commitment to my fiancé. It enabled me to make a choice and do what was best for me, knowing the consequences of the decision I had come to, didn’t make it any easier.

Sarah and I had a relationship where I as a mature Christian, tried to offer a Godly perspective of her life experiences with the help of other Christians in our college community. A couple of months or so later, we were all out at a Bonfire night where in the UK, we celebrate the uncovering of the gun powder plot under the houses of parliament on the 5^th November 1605 and one of the leader’s Guy Fawkes. The day is celebrated with an evening firework display.

Living in the city of York, the birthplace of Guy Fawkes with its rich historical architecture, we watched the fireworks being shot out of the top of Clifford’s Tower, a medieval keep sits on top of a mound originally built by William the Conqueror. This is when Sarah and I first expressed trust in each other as she grabbed my hand. As we stood there, I knew that something had changed between us.

My faith in God seemed to make it harder for me to accept how my emotions had begun to betray the feelings that I had for Sarah. It grieved me deeply to think about letting down someone I had shared a number of years of my life with and in whom we had shared experiences that were special. I felt guilty about developing my relationship with Sarah over that of my fiancé and I was desperately unhappy with myself for allowing this situation to develop as I felt it dishonoured God. I should actually have dealt with my feelings towards my fiancé, a long time before it had got this far but I felt powerless with no one to turn to for advice. My emotional inexperience made it impossible for me to deal with the situation as I simply hadn’t got the skills necessary to sort out the mess. I just wanted to run away and ignore it… if I ignored it for long enough, then it would simply go away wouldn’t it?

The distance we had apart had already contributed to the demise of our relationship so it became useful now as a barrier in dealing with the pain of the emotional fall out and the exasperation of the various factions that arose… the name calling, smear campaigns, underhand surveillance, turning friends against me. It was a horrible experience that stayed with me for a long time. Every time I began to feel settled in who I was in the eyes of God, the devil on my back would quickly squash any sense of esteem I had. Yet in all of this, Sarah had enabled me to feel a joy that I had never before felt possible for one as lowly as myself.

In my church life, I became subservient to others, never confident enough to state my mind or offer opinion because I felt guilty at what I had done. To add to this, after I had married Sarah a few years later, my ex fiancé had tracked my location and sent hate  letters to Sarah and even turned up on the doorstep accusing Sarah of ruining her life. I even had a letter posted in my internal mail at work. This was the days before mobiles, the internet and social media. The letter was unaddressed and appeared to be from a colleague in the school I worked in, a good 10 years later, telling me what an awful person I was and how I needed to apologise for my actions.

You have to understand that as a Christian, I had been to all of the talks about relationship ‘do’s and don’ts’ and felt like I was an unworthy person because I had broken the rules. I felt that I was not able to receive the love of God because of what I had done. Believe me when I say I felt guilt like a great weight upon my shoulders oppressing me like a thundercloud. Whenever I was criticised or passed over by peers and colleagues in my church life and work life, I felt that I deserved to be left out because of this secret sin of a failed relationship and the heartache I had caused.

The opposite was also true. Whenever I was invited to serve in more visible ministries such as leading a house group or leading worship in church, I would always feel that I could do it and it was an honour to be asked to do so, but I would be racked with self-doubt. Such was my need for reassurance that I sought the favour of those in leadership and fell out of love with what Christian service was actually meant to mean, through the wrongful pursuit of men’s praise rather than that of Gods.

Throughout all of this, God was quietly willing me on. There were times when I was so overcome by my own needs that I drowned God’s voice out and could not hear him. There were times too, when I was just so busy with life that I lost out on hearing his voice calling me back to himself. There were also times when I walked to places that he could not follow for he is Holy. Like the parable that Jesus told, of a father who lost his son when he sought sanctuary in the trappings of life, I know that God waited patiently, watching for the horizon to catch sight of his returning son so he could run out and greet me with a fathers embrace (Luke 15:11-32).

Jesus talks about people having to lose things of value in order for us to find ourselves; we lose our lives in order to save it (Matthew16:25). At the time of my relationship meltdown, I was a religious man, living a legalistic Christian lifestyle, who wore his Sunday best to church as though that earned me extra points before God. God had to break this stuff off my character so that the treasure within my heart could be unearthed. My goodness, it has been painful. The more that I searched for the fathers heart, the brighter the light of Jesus shone into the areas of my life that he wanted me to lay down.

One of my favourite worship albums at the moment is Samuel Lane’s ‘The Fire’. In one song, he uses one of my favourite passages of scripture in the lyric. It goes like this: Lord, I look to your cross, and the life you laid down, you are my God. Lord, you had mercy on me, drew the line in the sand, you are my God. I will worship you, I will worship you, my redeemer lives; Jesus I worship you. Lord, how you love each one of us, risen one so glorious, you are our God. Lord, how you saved us all, let our joy be restored, you are our God.

I know with assurance that my past is truly behind me. Jesus has drawn a line in the sand. There is no one to condemn me for my past actions. I know this because Jesus was crucified on a cross so that he could pay the debt that I owe. I owe a great debt to God for the heartache I have caused, and the choices I make that do not bring honour to his name. Jesus has paid this debt despite him knowing I was to blame… It is Jesus that holds out his hand and says come follow me and I will give you rest. So I pledge to honour him with my life. The woman who was standing at the well was told to go home and turn away from her wrong doing (John 4:1-38); the outcast was invited in to eat with Jesus and learn of the kingdom to come (Mark 1:40-2:17).

We are but strangers in this world, passing through… we are offered citizenship to a new  kingdom where no moss grows or rust can destroy… there will be no more mourning, no more pain, no more suffering. We will be given a new body, free from the ravages of time, disease and death. I know this to be true because Jesus rose from his grave three days after they buried him and revealed himself to his friends and followers so that they would believe it was true. He then gave them the gift of the Holy Spirit so that they could be empowered by the same spirit that lived in Jesus. This same spirit is available to us today, right here, right now.

Where the enemy will try to rob, steal and destroy that which God freely offers us, we know that if we stand firm in the knowledge that Jesus died for us, we will endure even if it may hurt for a while. God allows nothing more than we can bear. He is always watching, always hoping, always giving, always blessing… when we are down he is our champion, willing us on to our final destination where we say farewell to this life and look forward to the next.

This is my confidence in times of despair, hurt and sorrow. When life is grey and overcast, Jesus is the light in that darkness. When we live in his light, we do not need to fear the unknown because we are not alone. Jesus walks before us in whose footsteps I will gladly tread for he is worthy of my praise and he equips me for the journey. So do not fear tomorrow, for it is in his hands. Instead, rest in Jesus’ provision for today for he will be alongside us, urging us forward… He is my ever present hope in times of trouble, of which I hope that you will embrace to.

This is difficult to achieve because we are intensely private people. We work hard to provide for our families and to enjoy the fruits of our labour. We have a professional public life and a private home life which we tend to keep secret. Like the hobbit who never left the shire, we too like to keep what we hold precious, secret to all but our most intimate family and friends. We are guarded about anyone who wants too much of us or gets too close. It’s why today we can live in communities where neighbours in the same street do not know each other.

God calls us into fellowship with each other as part of a wider family that represents his nature here on earth. We call this place the church. It is a place where we can meet together to publicly declare that we have a faith in his son Jesus. Our faith transforms our private affirmation of what Jesus has done for us into a public celebration of praise and honour for the one who has rescued us. This does seem peculiar to our insular western lifestyles because this act of public worship does not fit into any kind of accepted behaviour for the conduct of men and women. It goes against the flow of society to declare faith in God so we fear the treatment we might receive when from people, when we declare to those around us that God is real.

‘Hey, I’m getting out of this rat race… nothing I do is ever good enough… there is always the next deal to chase after when I’m still tired after securing the last transaction… holiday experiences become transient memories… our friends suffer, we grow old, disappointment can often be more familiar than joy. I’m going to put my faith in God who never changes and in whom I can trust because he sent his son Jesus to rescue me from the rat race of life and he gives me an eternal citizenship in heaven.’

As a citizen of the UK, I am signed up to receive the protection of the government and the associated benefits it offers such as education, healthcare, pension and welfare. By accepting Jesus’ offer of citizenship into his Kingdom, I no longer hold onto human standards but live in the hope of an eternal salvation that cannot be destroyed by the actions of men and women. It is in God’ promises that I place my trust, rather than the transient nature of this world. This truth transforms my perception of what it means to be truly alive and in who I am as a child of God. I learn to understand that the line has truly been drawn in the sand over my past and I can only look forward with optimism for what is to come.

I invite you to recommit yourselves to honouring the creator God who knows us better than we know ourselves by stepping out from the safety of our private reflections into a faith life that is Christ centred. Without God, we will always be in conflict between two worlds, torn between our human nature which often prompts us to do wrong and our conscience which urges us to do the right thing. Our Antagonistic nature gets crossed up in our emotions, keeping us in a personal state of instability doing we battle with our desire and our feelings.

King David was one such man whose heart’s desire was to honour God. Yet in a moment of weakness when he should have been in battle, he happened to notice from the window of his palace a beautiful woman bathing. A web of deceit, lies and miss direction ultimately leads to murder and the eventual uncovering of this sordid affair. David knew that he had been caught out when the prophet Nathan was instructed by God to confront David for what he had done.

Psalm 51 was written by David when he was caught out for his misdeeds and it reflects how he recognised that he could no longer hide the truth and instead he is moved to confession. Read through the psalm and reflect on why we do the things we do. Declare with David how the things that we have pursued in the past have not been exactly appropriate to what God has willed for our lives and ask for his renewal through being filled by the Holy Spirit… Amen

Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love.

Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins.

Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin.

For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night.

Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just. For I was born a sinner— yes, from the moment my mother conceived me. But you desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there. Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me— now let me rejoice. Don’t keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt. Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me. Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you... You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

(Psalm 51, New Living Translation)