No Quick Fix... It may take more than one plaster...

I’ve been puzzling over a story in the news last week. It was of a young woman of 23 who threw herself from the top of a multi-story car park, killing herself and her unborn child. I began to think about why or how a person could be so desperate, have so few places to turn to; how must they feel to want to end it all. It grieved me to think of the life lost and how sometimes I complain about the state of my own when there are others out there with a far worse situation. Police later found that the woman had also killed her three other children prior to committing suicide, and had stabbed her former partner.

I tried to comprehend what would drive someone to be so desperate to carry out these actions as the tragedy evolved. Her parents stated that their daughter had suffered from mental health issues from a very young age, and had a particular condition where she became emotionally and passionately attached to someone close. From social networking sites, it became clear that she had rowed with her former partner who had stated he was ending the relationship for someone else. It seems that her inability to deal with the separation has been cited as the reason for ending the lives of her three children, that of her own, and that of her unborn child.

Her parents have stated that their daughter’s health problems were never properly diagnosed or treated. That she was determined to follow her own path in life, spurning advice, and isolating herself to the point where it seemed she felt that all she had was lost.

Now this is a very tragic story, that will also encourage people to make assumptions surrounding the circumstances of her death. There are some who would make judgements about the lifestyle of the girl having four children by the age of 23, and in the current economic climate, make links that both the woman and her partner, lacked employment. Some people may adopt an attitude towards her mental health issues, misunderstanding the complexity of emotion and the cascading effect of anxiety, depression, loneliness, self-esteem. We might consider the longer term analysis of the social impact of unfrequented love, the sense of abandonment; that her sense of place and the bonds that tie us to our destiny had been shattered. I’m sure too that the father of the children will always question what could have been if…?

It is all too easy for the atheists and agnostics who do not believe in God to use these situations to ask the big question we all sometimes ask… Where is GOD? If he is all knowing and all powerful, why has he not done something to stop this terrible tragedy? And what of the children, they hadn’t done anything wrong… they didn’t deserve this. I have no immediate answers that might bring comfort except for the knowledge that if we ask God to let his Kingdom come into our world; we gain the power to do that which is in heaven, on earth.

Recently, a church leader called #Rick Warren and his wife Kay have had a similar experience of seeing a loved one caught within the confines of mental illness. Hoping and praying that God would bring healing. Yet a life has been lost. Each day is a journey of faith and we live in the hope of the promises of God. God loves to see our character and our faith mature as we obediently do his will and give him the honour for all that he has accomplished through us in this life.

Rick and Kay have modelled a lifestyle of total dedication to God through the study of scripture, teaching and preaching, caring and sharing the gospel and in building community by modelling to others, that which they hold most precious. Their lives have prepared them for such a moment as this. To reveal to the world that in this time of grief and sorrow, we have a hope to cling to as God’s grace conquers all; it invades all the darkness of our soul; we’ll be changed in the twinkling of an eye because God’s love conquers all.

Faith doesn’t stop the hurt, nor is it a psychological crutch for a single moment in time… It is a life choice that we can all exercise. Reading the bible and knowing the promises of God, help us to understand that our eternal father has made provision for us since the beginning of time. It helps to soothe our pain knowing that there will be resolution one day, but for now, we grieve. We can get lost in grief, lingering too long in a place of desperation which is difficult to move from. Those of us who have faith in Christ can sing ‘Oh death where is your sting? Where is your victory?’ because we understand that our fathers kingdom will come and restore that which is lost.

One of my favourite scriptures is 1 Peter 1: 1-12 where the author, probably St Peter, explains that… “Through Jesus we have been born again into a priceless inheritance that is kept in heaven for us. We know that through this new life, God offers us his protection through filling us with the Holy Spirit so that we can be guided by his grace.”

Verse 6 talks about being truly glad because of this provision, even though we may have to endure many trials. Verse 7 for me is the key… “These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold – though your faith is more precious than gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honour on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.” How we choose to live our life, is more important than what we can get out of it, regardless of circumstance. Do we choose to believe with our whole self, that God has our best interest at heart? Are we willing to endure because we know of the great treasure we have within us?

As someone who has cast aluminium and pewter, I have seen the effect of heat on the raw materials being melted as described in the passage in 1 Peter. The impurities within the metal gradually rise to the surface and need to be scraped away with a ladle to avoid contaminating the batch. Repeated heating will refine the metal further, improving its value. Within the process of refinement, we can change the properties of the material to make it harder or softer! Metals can naturally ‘work-harden’ because the physical beating alters the crystal structure that makes up the material. This creates problems when trying to complete the final shaping of the product requiring the craftsman to anneal it in order to restore the working properties of the metal.

Life can give our hearts a bit of a beating too! We can become world weary and lose our ability to adjust in order to fit the shape it demands. Some of our experiences are useful in making us become more aware of our vulnerabilities, helping us to protect ourselves from certain hardships and unnecessary pain.

Other experiences harden our hearts to the point that we become dysfunctional in our attitudes and behaviours. We get hurt, so we protect ourselves… we build barriers around our emotions to stop getting hurt in the same way again. We read between the lines of a situation or analyse the people involved and want to stay at arm’s length. Not wanting to get involved because we have got too much of our own ‘stuff’ going on. We become pessimistic of life and our glass becomes half empty; seeing fault everywhere. Some unfortunately start to believe that they deserve what they get due to their experience of the past, slipping into a depressed view of ourselves and the world around us.

Some people’s answer to this emotional pain is to immerse ourselves into whatever makes us happy. Some of these are healthy and vital to our humanity, and yet like all things, if we indulge too much in certain areas, we are in danger of creating more problems with these new outlets, than they were designed to solve. So many live for the Friday night ‘going-out’ to a club experience, where the emphasis is on having a good time. However, the drinking culture in the UK among young people is a growing health problem… pre-loading with alcohol to reduce the amount of money spent prior to attending a club where ‘special-offer’ prices of drinks with names made up by marketing people, appeal to a specific audience.

I enjoy a pint of beer or two, and my experience of drinking to excess in my youth may give a good story. At one time I have to confess that I may have revelled in telling the story of the comedy of my self-indulgence! But as we get older, it is less of a thrill to drink so much, except for those believing that this is the essence of life. It is their thing… without it; life would be too dull to contemplate. This is particularly so if this type of lifestyle is being used as a sticking plaster to the other aspects of our lives that we are disappointed with. We will soon tire and need to become more adventurous, seeking to have better experiences; living for the moment.

Alcoholism is a major issue in society, fuelled by the short term high of the alcohol content, and the ‘loss of control’ when sufficiently intoxicated. You hear people say they are more social when they have a drink, perhaps letting go of our anxieties, and forgetting our troubles. The side effect of alcohol is that it is a depressant; creating an unnatural balance in our natural physiology. When the pressure of life is really on, we seek ways to deal with the stress… Turning to alcohol is a cheap and socially acceptable answer, but in excess, it is life threatening and soul destroying. There are many other ways that we can seek to conceal our life-wounds. It could be in sex, music, culture, food, travel, volunteering, charitable acts, knowledge, power, financial reward, spirituality and religion. All still have the capacity to leave us with a feeling of being short-changed.

As much as work hardened metal fractures and fails; work hardened hearts break. Work hardened metal loses its tensile strength; its ability to take loads and its ability to support structures. Our hardened hearts can mirror this, losing its ability to feel, reducing our desire to share in people’s burdens, and in supporting one another. We lose our very humanity; we lose our souls. In faith we place our hopes and our dreams not in shallow experiences, but in the hands of Jesus. He fills our hearts and minds with a new eternal hope so that when we despair of life, we can reach into an inner resolve of strength.

This is the opposite of religious experiences where we try to control our behaviours and actions in pursuit of some higher realm. Some see this behaviour and cannot put their faith in God because it can confuse the Gospel story. We look for truth in that which is around us, and find that in a lot of aspects of life, and sometimes in the church, we cannot find the answers to the question raised at the beginning… Where is God?

When I look at the alternatives, it draws me closer to God, not further away, because in him I find love. When we look at Jesus, we see the kingdom come. He came as a servant; he spoke against religious hypocrisy, championed the poor and needy in society, and challenged every level of society by turning what was known, upside-down. So how can we have faith in God when we cannot see him?

I encourage you to read the Gospel story afresh and hear the words that Jesus spoke… of a future hope, of an eternal life, of a life reconciled to our creator. Get to know Jesus, the son of God, whose father who has paid with the blood of his son a ransom far greater than gold. Take up the offer of salvation and with his counsel, learn to leave your burden at his feet. He will lift you up, clothe you, and set you on this new journey as a son or daughter of the living God, who will one day return in his glory to restore the world. 1 Peter 1: 8 states… ‘You love him (Jesus) even though you have never seen him. You do not see him now, yet you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious and inexpressible joy.’

So when people ask me why God allows suffering, or why people go hungry, or why that soldier went to war, why those refugees shelter from the bombing without food aid, or why the young mother so full of sadness, jumped to her death… I can only ask myself: have I prayed for God to use me in my small corner of his world? I think of those who I know, in desperate need to receive God for their salvation; how effective am I in showing God’s love for them? I pray for my town, its leaders, its educators, for families, for parents, mum and dads, we need more of your presence Lord in this place. I invite you all to pray that same prayer…. Our father in heaven, whose name is holy, let your kingdom come in all the earth… Amen.

If you look into the mirror, tell me what do you see?

Hi all, sorry in the delay in posting this week. I’ve been feeling a bit low and I can’t place my finger on why that is, but feeling this way always tends to leave me with a sense of introspection... or naval gazing! So apologies in advance if you find it a little self-indulgent, but I don’t believe in hiding emotions, preferring to be honest before God who knows my heart most of all, and to you all who have read my blogs over the last few months. It was my birthday on Saturday (42) so I was well looked after by my wife and children, and we had a busy weekend with a bit of decorating, birthday trip to the shopping mall and an evening meal. Sunday I was on the PA for the band, Ferrari won the Grand Prix and all went well.

So Monday was the return to work day, and for the first time in my career, I was disenfranchised by the prospect. As a secondary school teacher I have always tried to be the best I can be (to use a phrase we use in our PSHE classes), and due to this I have had success in my career over the years, rising in pay levels and in status. However, I am feeling a bit shallow right now. The new curriculum being prescribed by the current education minister is totally backward in its understanding of design, technology and engineering, and has simply left me cold. For example, I now have to schedule horticulture into my Technology teaching. Now I enjoy plants and flowers eat my veg and appreciate the role of farming in society and our economy, but I am no gardener. I mow the lawn, trim back the bushes and that’s about it…oh and the weeding.

It got me to wondering in my naval gazing way, what God has in store for me now... you’ve brought me this far God, so what’s next? For three years now, God has reawakened in me an old calling I got as a teenager, and I’ve been wondering about this, my current job, and my sense of purpose since then. It’s nothing to do with any mid-life crisis! Professionally, I have been put through the ringer on a number of occasions, particularly in recent months where I have had parents, pupils, colleagues, and government inspectors challenging my little bubble of existence. It put some alarm bells in my mind about my place in the big scheme of things, as though God was saying that this is the terminal, it’s time to make the connecting train. The trouble is, I can’t see where the destination is just yet to know which train to travel on.

You see, I really don’t make big plans because I know that God has been looking after me all of my life; I go with the flow. In my workplace, I hope that those in leadership see my loyalty, dedication, ambition and professionalism; that their observation of my work ethic would lead to the creation of opportunities for me to show what I can do professionally. So when my ability to do this is challenged, it isn’t just a blip, it’s also an attack of my core values because I believe that teaching is what God called me into.

I seem to be bouncing off closed doors; the 'low' that I am feeling is in my need to decide on a path to follow. I can't quite see where God is graciously leading me. But right now I feel stagnant… a feeling amplified by sense of the blues. Do I need to do some horticulture like in the new curriculum I have to teach and pull out some weeds, prune back some unfruitful parts of my life and gain some extra nutrients to help me grow? Jesus talks many times about gardeners, vineyards, farmers and particularly, talents. Are we sewing or reaping, ploughing the ground, fertilising, protecting, tending or nurturing new growth?

Perhaps if I explain about who I am, then you may understand where I am coming from. I am a child of the 70’s 80’s. No computer games or multi-TV channels; LP’s where still on Vinyl no downloading tracks, and I can remember why SONY use the brand Walkman! In my life time I have seen an explosion of Technology that is just mind blowing… I guess it’s why I teach about it. Unfortunately coming from a working class background, we never had the finance to keep up with modern trends. When I got to secondary school, my parent’s divorced and I went through my teens without my father’s influence, being brought up by my mum on state benefits.

At that point I became pretty independent… made my own lunches, took myself off to school cycling 5 miles in all weather. We didn’t go on foreign holidays or have the ‘latest’ gadgets like my friends. Being a family on benefits, we had no spare cash; we didn’t go ‘out’ as a family, nor did we eat ‘out’. Meals were sparse and quite bland except for Sunday roast. We lived on the poverty line. All four of us boys slept head to toe in a bunk bed in a small spare room. Being the eldest, I was always tuned into my mum’s problems to do with money or the hardship of bringing up four boys on her own. I never had any money to go out with friends or even go and catch a movie. I received a lot of bullying at school… it wasn’t fun.

My mum’s disciplinary style was a short sharp slap on the back of your thigh, or a slipper if it was to hand, and we had to do what we were told or else. Having nothing to do, free time revolved around watching TV or the new gadget, the VHS player and video tape. Pleasure came from biscuits and chocolate mainly. With no-one to support my mum, being the eldest, I lived through her pain and always had a feeling of powerlessness. When I first met my wife, I was emotionally broken from having to live by my own means, and having experience what could be described today as being ‘neglected’ or even ‘abused’. I never saw it that way… It was the way it was, get used to it. So I grew up with a hardened heart… except for God’s grace working on me through my love of worship. We had to be rational, we couldn’t be indulgent or spend time dreaming of what could be if only we had… You make your own luck.

I stayed on in school after failing a few too many ‘O-Levels’ and did ‘A’ Level exams before going to University. I really loved making things with my hands and designing, and God opened doorways for me to see that there was another world out there beyond my working class up-bringing. I aspired to become a teacher and chose to do a B.Ed (Hons) in Education and Design. University life opened me up to experience a much wider Christian community, particularly as in the early 1990’s I attended the late David Watson’s Church, St Michael Le Belfry for their evening charismatic services where I experienced what it meant to be filled with the spirit of God.

So what is the point I’m trying to make? Well we each have our own story where we can look back along our path and see where the hand of God led us and picked us up. Many of us have seen the ‘Footprint’s in the sand’ sentiment poster. I knew from an early age that this was me. My earthly father didn’t seem to care; my mum was too involved with her own ‘stuff’ to deal with four boys, and I was alone and very lonely. I had been in Sunday school since the age of about 3, and had grown up through the years to recognise that despite all that was going on in my life, and all that had happened in the past, I couldn’t shake the truth about Jesus from my mind.


I can remember when I was first challenged to answer for what I believed was true about Jesus. A Sunday school teacher asked the question: “Imagine you are writing a news headline about Jesus riding into Jerusalem on a donkey. How would you feel? What would you write about?” I can’t remember my answer except for the conviction in my heart that Jesus was who he said he was, and I could get to know him, to understand him as a friend, and that HE wouldn’t let me down.

At 18 within one week before I went to University, at the two different churches I was attending on a Sunday, I had a revelation from God that I have never been able to shake. I went to the Anglican Church I had attend since a small child in the morning where I was a Sunday school/youth worker, and as I was dating a girl who went to a Baptist church, I joined their youth group and went to their evening service. The priest of the Anglican Church invited me to dinner after the service and said a weird thing… “Roger,” he said, “when I write my evening sermons, I write it aimed at you as you are the only young person there who seems to get what it all means… have you considered going into the Ministry?” I made a few muttering answers about not being sure about infant baptisms or why the Church wouldn’t accept women priests… and left.

I went to the Baptist Church in the evening and the minister’s sermon was about ‘calling!’ I was pinned to my seat. As an evangelical who hadn’t experience the charismatic movement, I hadn’t experienced such a presence of the Holy Spirit in such a way before; that deep inner sense of God’s conviction came over me. When I became a Christian, I knew it was right to believe in Jesus… it all made sense. I recognised my need for him in my life… I was desperate to know the Father’s heart and his love for me, it was an easy decision to make. My conversion verse was Revelation 3:20… ‘Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my call and opens the door, I will enter and eat with him.’ I knew it was about my rebellion against God’s will for my life, and that I had to choose to follow… I needed his presence in my soul. I didn’t know of the work of the Holy Spirit in this process, but on that summer’s night sat in the Baptist Church, I felt the presence of God through that call made by the Baptist preacher, for people to go and plant seeds in the fields because the harvest is plentiful but the workers were few. (Matthew 9:37)

I couldn’t stop thinking about it, my heart pounding in my chest; I was certain of my emotion and knew I had to respond. I went to see the minister who provided me with the ‘stock’ Baptist calling to ministry leaflets which I took away to University to do my degree. It never occurred to me to change my degree, so for a while, 20 years, I have mixed my sense of vocation to teach in school rather than in church. Now I find my heart yearning to teach in church and not in school! If I had taken that step at 18, I may not be writing this blog or have my family, home and friends. However God planted the seed in my heart that I cannot hide any longer.

In my career, I have always worked hard and put my heart and soul into the Job I do, the children I care about, and the education I know I can offer through my efforts. With God’s blessing, I have had a good career, but now the doors seem to have closed. I have a number of choices that do not seem to be the correct path to go down, but if I stay as I am, I will grow more restless. Hence my sense of the blues… I am waiting on God but I am a little impatient. I want a clear path to help me make the decisions I need to make to move forward.

I am well paid and have a good life balance now that I am a little older and don’t try to save the world by myself… but this makes me feel a bit trapped because of my desire to support my family and I can’t see how God is going to do that! In my professional life, it seems the skills I have to offer are not in demand any longer, unless I move on and start again. But my question today is ‘Do I have the passion for that?’ The answer in my heart is… No. So I am at a dead end. I need more of God and less of me.

I always’ try my best to serve and honour those that have given me opportunities to work for them. Jesus and Paul talk about honouring our employers as though we are honouring God. In so doing, our employer will see our dedication and in return, we can show how our Father is at work in our lives and can help in bringing their focus to the creator. It’s not about me… trying to be selfless so that others can flourish, perhaps for no regard except, where only my father in heaven will see what is done in secret.

Due to my need to be independent and find my own way in life, I have had to believe that the decisions I make are right. When someone challenges me that my best isn’t good enough, I am really troubled by that because I feel I have also let God down. If my actions do not reflect God in my workplace, then what of my vocation to be the best that I can be as a Christian teacher?

I look at the poem about the footprints in the sand and ask the Lord to show me where he is leading and have the courage to follow… to avoid procrastination – all talk but no go! I started writing these blogs as a way of countering some of the negative comments about Christianity. I want to show the father’s heart so that we may find encouragement in our journeys together. I used to have another poster on my wall in my student days. It was a picture of Christ on the cross with a crown of thorns, and on the background it simply said: ‘I asked the Lord to show me how much he loved me’… to which he answered, ‘This much.’ And he stretched out his arms and died.

So have I been procrastinating… hiding in my role of a teacher? Am I reading the signs correctly…? Is now the time? How do I answer God’s call today with my financial and family commitments? How do I take those first steps? Where is my boldness to do what God asks or my youthful zeal? I know that I should be patient and wait on the Lord, for he knows the plans he has for me. He just asks me to be obedient. So I will get up in the morning and try to be the best that I can be. Hoping that the light of Christ within me will shine brightly through my faithful obedience to his will for my life. God has already made the ultimate sacrifice for me, so am I trusting enough to believe that my God is big enough to overcome the issues that create my barriers to moving forward and trust that he has my best interests at heart.

An old song I used to play had the line in it: ‘Love is not a feeling it’s an act of the will.’ How will I choose to follow God today, tomorrow, next week? Pray, read his word, talk with others to make sure my calling is certain and right for my character and experience, wait on the Lord, and pray some more. I hope that the paths that you are all walking along are littered with signposts, pointing you to the truth, as that is the only thing that can set you free.

I leave you with Ecclesiastes 3 to meditate on, as I will be doing over the next few weeks.

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.

The Elephant in the room (Part 2)

The Elephant in the room… (Part 2)

Every man and woman has at some time been pressured on all sides by our desire to seek fulfilment through sex. In the world today, we pursue our relationships through casual sexual encounters, straight, gay or bi-sexual... will he or she be the one? I just need a one-night-stand tonight, no commitment wanted... or the partner who in a committed relationship looks outside for something more.

Sex is beguiling… it filters into our subconscious through images and suggestion, feeding our insatiable appetite for sexual fulfilment and in so doing, is the cause of many of the world’s indiscretions. We think about the pleasure we might have with that person; we dream of circumstances that could encourage this, and we lose a portion of our reasoning in pursuit of it... There are no boundaries that cannot be broken - '50 Shades of Grey' being a best seller in 2012.

What the church would call promiscuity, the world would call fun. When people who are committed to a partner are exposed through infidelity, we can hide behind the openness of the relationship and that they are not married, to justify their actions, yet want to stay close to the one who offers friendship, companionship and belonging. However, it often ruins their relationships which are hurt beyond repair… ‘There’s no harm in it one might say…’ ‘It’s only natural to desire people in this way, no harm in looking’.’ 

Society seems to have no need for religious ethics in this part of our life because we do not believe in God and what we are doing isn’t wrong’. 'I need to feel fulfilled.' And yet, I am sat reading a story of a young girl who went into an alley with someone she didn’t know… for some fresh air after a cigarette… she was raped. The man’s attitude was, ‘well, you know, when things get to a certain point.’ This is a tragic piece of news; the girl is distraught – her innocence and trust shattered by the feeling of being violated by a person taking advantage of a lifestyle that seems to have 'blurred' the boundaries between what is an acceptable interaction and that which isn’t...

As soon as the church does raise a voice about the dangers of short term physical encounters, the churches concern is discarded for the many reasons that I have mentioned in part 1 of this blog. At this time in 2013, the number of public ‘outings’ of priests who have abused others sexually, for example, is one of the biggest issues that Pope Francis is faced with. It would certainly be a barrier to my faith as it has a hint of duplicity about it. So how can we be a voice on this issue and in particular of gay marriage when the church judges the sexual conduct of other's and cannot be trusted with its own?

One of the arguments put forward is linked to my description of sexual conquest outlined above. For Christians, we believe marriage to be both physical and spiritual. Casual sex reveals our nakedness and intimacy to the one we have shared the experience with, and exposes our spirit through the emotion of the encounter. For Christians, this is like opening a window to our souls, and is why we advocated abstinence before marriage. It is an attempt to save our emotions from the pain of separation, and in being hurt by those we have loved but since grown apart from. Today there are many who have ignored this message and lived for the ‘moment’… but then carry the emotional scars from such encounters into more permanent relationships.

Marriage is part of the story of creation as mentioned in Part 1. In reciting the vow before God, we dedicate out lives to each other in the knowledge that we have created a spiritual bond that cannot be broken. In the ‘oneness’ of marriage, the two halves come together as one.

Married people complete and complement each other. It is such a high calling on men and women to be selfless, that many cannot sustain the vow they make. The current rate of divorce in the UK stands at 42%.

In Jesus’ life, a similar question was raised. In Mark 10: 2-12 we read the story of the Pharisees who were testing the law around marriage and divorce. Jesus stated that in his understanding of God, a man and woman become a new creation; they are joined as one flesh and by one spirit. Jesus then points to Moses who as keeper of the law provided a code or set of standards that allow for divorce, within certain conditions, that the people of Israel followed (Deuteronomy 24: 1).

The church has gradually over time become better at dealing with divorce, but the stigma for divorcees that stems from religious control over marriage has sought to alienate people from Jesus. This is what the Pharisee’s were questioning Jesus about. Would Jesus abide by the law? Jesus’ answer neither rejected the law, nor condemns those who were to divorce. Rather it was to show that the compassion of God was more than a set of rules and regulations, but an application of law through the lives of people. Yes, God wants married people to stay together and be bound by the covenant they made to each other, but he recognises man’s need to absolve the covenant in order that we might live ‘balanced’ lives.

Now my question today is: Would we rather that homosexual couples continue a lifestyle where the pressure of society doesn’t necessarily encourage commitment, or do we encourage those people to make an agreement that they would honour one another before God? Wouldn’t we rather they seek the best for each other at all times, and through many circumstances as the marriage vows describe? In sickness and in health, through riches and poor, till death we do part… Are those seeking equality with gay marriage willing to sign-up to this code? Justin Welby, the new archbishop of Canterbury was quoted to state:

"You see gay relationships that are just stunning in the quality of the relationship," he told the BBC on the morning of his enthronement last month, adding that he had "particular friends where I recognise that and am deeply challenged by it."

If we could separate the ‘sex’ from the relationship, perhaps we could see how it is important to develop holistic relationships that grow beyond the sex act. To enter into a marriage, you have to take on the whole aspect of committing to each other until death us do part. The current system of divorce allows for a variety of claims for ‘unreasonable conduct’ as grounds to terminate the covenant that God has ordained at the beginning of time. There does seem to be an element of conflict between the aspiration for equality in marriage and the secular need to separate the Devine from the marriage ceremony. This allows for the termination of this deeply meaningful covenant between two people and God. We want the ideals of marriage, but not if we outgrow it… We want the option to have both. This is where the argument lies for me.

My view is that civil partnerships in the UK, where a non-religious commitment is made before a registrar, seemed suited to homosexual relationships perfectly… encouraging commitment, honouring one another, and in bringing integrity to the relationship in the eyes of the law. It is a good fit for a secular wedding… even using a similar form of pledge. The relationship becomes fulfilling due to the commitment made in the eyes of the community and the law, and is mutually beneficial to each other and their families. The need to extend this by using the marriage vows seems like a theft of something that doesn’t really fit. It seems as though the reasoning behind gay marriage has ignored the meaning of marriage in the eyes of God. We like the ideas, but we are not too keen on the God bit. This is what I can’t get my head around… What purpose has the proposal for equality in gay marriage got except for the secularisation of a religious institution?

Where some Christians still see this as an unresolved ethical choice that erodes the fabric of society, there are other cases of sexual sin in the world we live, which have overtaken this particular issue. In the UK, the scandal over the celebrity DJ Jimmy Saville has unearthed uneasy tensions of adult relations with children. Paedophilia is seen as the new cancer in social society. The idea that sexual predators groom innocent children for their own pleasure is very uncomfortable reading. This by far seems to be a more serious issue than those who want to commit to a loving relationship bound by covenant.

I do however want to reflect at this point on the humanist ideal that we have it within ourselves to choose to do the right thing. Consider how this ‘desire’ amongst some adults in society to view child pornography or indulge in much more unfavourable activity, fits into the idea that we actively promote our own sense of acceptable behaviour based on what we want from the life we live? I am more secure and comforted by the idea that God knows my heart and willingly sacrificed his son to save me from myself, rather than the idea that somehow, my humanity has become corrupted by my own nature with little course of redress due to it being coded within the meme/gene of my ancestor. Where is the hope for my descendants who I embellish with my faults through my meme/gene? (Seems somewhat familiar to the concept of original sin)

I think to the story of the women who was caught in the act of adultery in John 8: 1-11. The Pharisee’s must have known what was going on, to have found her and dragged her from her home to the feet of Jesus; what happened to the man in all of this commotion, was he not also part of this? How the Pharisees went about breaking into her (or his) home to commit this offence stands testimony to their motive. Her embarrassment and nakedness was visible to all. Jesus bends down and writes in the sand, of what we do not know. When challenged to act in dispensing the law, Jesus looks at the mob raises himself to his feet and states clearly: ‘He who has no sin can cast the first stone.’ After a period of time, the mob had dispersed, leaving just the woman – probably wracked with fear of what was to come. Jesus utters for me one of the most heart rending responses of the God who became man and understood man’s motivation…

When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, "Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?" She said, "No one, Lord." Jesus said to her, "Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more."

Are we really going to draw a line in the sand over the issue of gay marriage? Is this the battle God wants us to be involved in? He certainly doesn’t need us to fight the battle for him. God call’s us to be like salt on the earth, but do we today have a right, or a voice to point out to a secular society that if we pursue same sex marriage, we live contrary to the way God asks? Our obligation as Christians is to reach out and save those who are lost. Pointing out people’s sin is God’s job. We need to reveal the father heart of God to all of his children, atheists, agnostics, secularist, humanists, the weak in society who have no voice; in feeding the poor and healing the sick… We do need to warn against the danger of sin, but our approach needs to be inclusive, not divisive. No matter what we may think, we have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

The secularisation of our society is a constant cycle that has spanned time. Sometimes Christians have stood up to the injustice in the world and made a real difference through their acts of service. We need to see the gay marriage issue as a battle against powers and principalities, rather than against people… We are engaged in a battle for hearts and minds. Alienation and division is not part of the Gospel, so let us be careful about how we choose to do battle.

So, do I think that gay marriage is an inevitable conclusion to an increasingly secular society – Yes! Can the church take a lead in this –Definitely Yes! Is the church in a position to enter the debate in a state of integrity – err no, perhaps. As Christians we need to become diplomatic in our dealings with those who are alienated by ‘our’ lifestyle choices and engage in healthy debate within their community, to point them to Jesus – to be in the world but not ‘of’ the world. We need to tell those who do not know him of our rebellion against God. As humans we can be naturally selfish and can be self-centred to the point that we cannot see the things that harm us. We need to avoid pointing fingers at those around us or as Jesus says, ‘don’t try to pull the speck out of your brother’s eye when there is a plank in your own!’

The institute of marriage as defined by God has been corrupted since the time of Moses… should we still be in the business of encouraging the highest Godly standards in life, yes. But if we do this by stating law, we are no better than the Pharisees who could not see God because of the very law they sought to uphold. We sound like the clashing gong or the banging symbol… discordant. Remember that we are not living for this life as the humanists would have us believe, but for the next.

There are many more battles to come… Assisted death / Euthanasia; the constitution in the UK of head of state as head of the Church of England; reforms in the House of Lords through election rather than representation (to clear the house of those pesky Bishops); the continued secularisation of the UK government institutions; genetic research for the furtherance of this ‘one’ life (no afterlife)…

Our role is to be salt and light so that our brightness reveals the glory of God… Philippians 2: 13–14

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people.

God longs through the bible to reach out to the world he created, and the world he is desperate to save from itself, through a relationship between Father, Son and Holy Spirit… in the trinity we can find the peace of God… let’s share that with the world.